“Come On My House!” — Love Hotels, Sexy Engrish, and Quote-Unquote “Research”

Adventures in Love Hotel Land

In keeping up with the accountability list I posted the other day, I decided to go in search of the “Gang Snowman” Love Hotel. This hotel is kind of underground-famous in Osaka for its Cadillac-converted spa on the roof (the headlights flash and horn honks when the car shakes…) and it’s extreme S&M themed rooms.

First step was to enlist a research assistant (who shall remain anonymous…) and then head to the love hotel district: Tanimachi 9-cho-me.

My research assistant and I came across a few strangely named love hotels, but no “Gang Snowman”…

We found this one for kinky Vegans:

And this one that was a little slightly more appropriately named.

We went and checked out the pictures of the rooms, but there wasn’t anything too exciting, so we kept on.

We did find this one, called Hotel Benkyo (Study in Japanese), with some interesting school/S&M themed rooms, but decided to keep on.

My favorite was their slogan:

“Come on my house!” …which I think is hilarious. (”Really, where? Like, on the couch?”)

It was getting late and we hadn’t yet found the Rosetta Stone: The Gang Snowman. On the walk back to the station, we walked past a hair salon called…

Definitely my next haircut.

That night, unsuccessful in finding our Gang Snowman Love Hotel before the last train back to my apartment, my assistant and I (dedicated researchers that we are) decided to go early the next morning. We also decided that since it would be early in the morning, copious amounts of alcohol would be required.

Day 2 of the Love Hotel Quest

Success. From our updated internet research, we found the hotel, although it had since been renamed “Carnival Hotel.” Unfortunately, the Cadillac room and the bondage gym rooms were taken, but we picked the room that seemed the most offensively bizarre.

In our room (about $70 for up to 10 hours during the day) we had:

-a sauna room

-a jacuzzi bathtub

-a “shower-bed” (a massage mat in the shower for use with soap/massage oil)

-satellite radio and television (with two all-porn, all-the-time channels)

-a strobe light

-a Super Nintendo (in case you get bored)

-a bondage cage, complete with crucifix (see below)

-a pomell horse with leather bondage cuffs (below)

-complimentary lubricant

(if you can’t see the fine print, it says:

SEX for fun. I like to masterbate (sp) with erotic imagenation. I think I’m addicated to you… )

-access to a bondage gym room on the third floor (you have to call room service to see if it’s free) — see pic below for instructions

The whole Hotel Carnival experience was hilarious and bizarre. I have a new appreciation for kink in Japan.

Finally, on the way out, I noticed these illustrated instructions for a “Sensual Chair” in the elevator:

There. I’ve just lost all Fundamentalist Christian and Canadian Conservative Party voters who read my blog. All two of them.

Tune in next week for more adventures in Kinky Japan…

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